Arif Khan's Blog

Busy Weekend

Busy weekend this week - on Saturday in particular i was rushing around between venues and carrying things and running round a fair bit - and Sunday was pretty busy too after an initial break during the day.

Pre-chemo etc that would have been a typical weekend for me and i was quite used to it. It was nice to get through this weekend, being that busy made things feel like they used to in ways too - yet i did feel the strain of the extra activity for sure.

Saturday afternoon i was setting up an exhibition for a peace conference at the mosque and that meant i had to carry some tables and display boards myself - after completing that and driving home i did feel out of breath and some chest discomfort for a few seconds too.

Its hard to know if its a chemo thing or just general fitness levels having not done much exercise for months! Good news is that the rest of the day was fine and Sunday was fine too - and this was refelected in my bowling score of 111 in the first round we had on Sunday - lets not talk about the 2nd game!

Next weekend is likely to be busy too - mixed feelings about that - good being busy like i'm used to, but maybe i should be taking things easy after adding extra days with the come back to work thing too?

Easter '08 - 3 weeks-at-work mark

Not posted for a while - so here i am.

Been back at work for three weeks now. Overall id say its going as well as i could have hoped for. Still on three days a week - although that will be increasing to four soon. Workload is still light and i'm still being eased back in to things.

This week the guy i work the most with - James - is not in and so that will mean more work and responsibility for me. I think i'm ready for this now, the timing has been good on that front. The other day I did a review of some code James had written and i was able to suggest a few things that showed to myself i still was able to think about code - which is good to know!

This week i'll be doing some proper development work - as the changes i suggested in the 'review' he asked me to implement myself as he's on holiday - so i'll do working on that.

Energy levels seem fine, but then my routine is not very settled, but that is good as it means things are getting back to the sort of 'all-over-the-place' routine they were on prior to all this.

Still far too much work on websites and other publications occupying my time - but its pretty much going on.

Biggest issue for me at the moment is how cold it is! Snow during easter? So much for global warming...

Radiotherapy: 4 week post-treatment follow up

Yesterday at 9:30am i also had a post-radiotherapy follow up session with Dr P at the Parkside Oncology clinic. It was strange being back there. This flurry of appointments in the past couple days (3 of them) is a reminder / reality check on things. Being back at work has made things almost seem back to normal, and this is a reminder of what i've been through the past few months.

Thankfully all the meetings have been very positive.

The appointment with Dr P was a chat first about how things are going, talk about work and the plan there, and then a physical examination - he's always very thorough on that front!

All was fine with nothing unusual to report. He's very pleased with how the skin under the arm has healed and has told me to keep using the aqueous cream for the rest of the year. The harder part is that this cream also needs applying to my back around the same area and that is not easy to do!

Dr P will also stop seeing me now and Dr A will be in charge of all further follow up.

So in the space of 2 days ive gone from 4 people managing my case, to 2 - thats gotta be a good thing!

Occupational Health: 2 Week Review

Yesterday [Tuesday 18th March] i met with the occupational health representative who has been dealing with my case. We talked about being back and how i've been finding it. Then we extended it to talking about adding an extra day to the plan.

Now with the 4 day weekend coming up the schedule is a bit messy - but what we've now decided on is that next week i'll just take Wednesday off, meaning i'll work 3 days that week. The following week i'll only take wednesday off also meaning that will be 4 days that week.

March 24th: Tue/Thurs/Fri
March 31st: Mon/Tue/Thurs/Fri
April 7th: Mon/Tue/Thurs/Fri

For now the hours will remain the same at 5 - although this always varies depending on what work i'm doing, and i've stayed till 4:30pm a couple times - rather than stopping at the planned 3pm.

Today i also had a meeting with Dr Girder, from the Critical Health Solutions [CHS] team. It was again just a follow-up - after seeing me today and asking how i am he said that from today CHS would be closing my case. OH would manage it in terms of getting me back to work. Its a small token statement, but it definately helps me "feel" im better.

So i know my timetable for the next few weeks - that is good to have that formalised.

In terms of workload its been steadily increasing, although thankfully i'm working with someone else on projects at the moment rather than being responsible for something entirely myself. Also they've not got me doing production support at the moment, that may well change later though..!

Updated Design

This is the same blog as before - do not adjust your PCs / laptops / ipods or whatever you are browsing this on!

I've gone for a new theme to keep things interesting!

The Post-Cancer Life - March '08

Let's start with an extract from a guy writing a book about lymphoma - excuse the language!

"I'm currently in remission, but thanks to Cancer being a f'ing headache before and during, it keeps on f'ing you for the rest of your life. It's like being an alcoholic. Even if you're not drinking, you are still an alcoholic. Just recovering. Same with cancer. I'm a recovering cancerholic.

Imagine me in a room and introducing myself:

Me: I'm Matt and my cancer is in remission.
Group: Hi, Matt!"

That is put so well! I was a Stage 1A and cure rates are up close to 100% - yet its something that does not just go away - even if the disease does.

I will have follow up tests for the next two years at least. A close fellow hodge survivor friend of mine will have tests for 5 years through being part of a study. FIVE years. Long time.

Practically you can be of full health and completely cured, yet it will be there for years. That means it will be part of your life for many years.

I have my first follow-up appointment with Dr A on the 8th of April. Its been 3 months since the last clean PET scan - its gone quite quick.

So what is the answer to dealing with this? It would appear that the answer is to put it out of your mind and just carry on your life as normal. But you know what - i think that is dangerous also. There are times when you want to talk about anything BUT the illness, yet others when you want to talk about NOTHING but the illness - for a short time at least.

Looks like i'm going to be a challenge for my friends / family for the next few years still!

Worth thinking about!

First Week Back

Talking to some people i realise i'm still blessed with great friends / family that are still anxious for blog updates - so i should put some on - especially as the going back to work thing is a big deal - as i've highlighted on here a couple of times.

So the first week is done the days can be summed up as:

Monday - Showing my face - emailing friends - logging on a conference call for the first time in ages - being told about changes within the teams etc

Wednesday - Being told what area i'll be working on and having a kick off meeting for that work - bit of training on the area i'll be working on with via a net meeting remote session thingy + conference call.

Friday - Trying to start work on the project - talking to the guy i'll be working on it with - dealing with IT issues like not having access to certain machines, general 'desk time' of remebering where things are in terms of timesheets, and stuff on the intranet.

In addition to that on Friday night our department had organised some 'team drinks' as two people were joining, two were leaving, and (although it was an after thought tagged on in a later email) me returning was added to the list of reasons for it! I went home about 3ish and then came back in to london about 8pm after a rest and some sleep! It was good to catch up with a few people outside the work environment, and a nice end to the week.

So what did i do this weekend following my first week back at work? Nice bit of relaxation with the feet up?

Anyone who knows me will be thinking 'Yeh right!' - i ended up driving about 600+ miles to Leeds and back over a couple days to help my brother out buying a car!

Overall energy levels for the week: a part of me thought id be FINE going back to work - but after about 5 hours of straight work i did get a headache on the first day. I was quite tired when i got home too - mainly the feet!

I felt well enough to do the Leeds thing - yet on the Sunday when id planned to spend time out and about exploring the north i felt really tired and stayed in watching scrubs instead mainly!

Overall?

Overall the week went very very well - the work on the horizon looks good, and im quickly feeling like the work front is almost 'back to normal' which has helped life in general feel a lot more 'back to normal' - although as i keep saying things will never be like they were before - my life isnt the same anymore, and never will be, but thats not necessarily a negative thing - just a fact.

Newquay 2008 - Pre-Work Holiday

Wanted to share some of the photos from the trip:

   

Work + Newquay

Occupational health were happy with me and discussed the work return - the plan is that i start on Monday and start at 3 days a week - and 5 hours a day - sounds good to me!

CHS appointment was more a chat - went well too - all set for Monday.

I went in to the office and met my team mates and had some good chats about what is going on in my team etc - quite a lot of moving around etc.

Wednesday evening i drove up to Newquay - over 250 miles!

Tursday morning i drove a tank, Thursday afternoon we [Naeem and I] ate at Rick Stein's Seafood Restraurant in Padstow [i think]. Thursday evening was PS3!

Friday morning at 8:30 we travelled via helicopter to the scilly isles and back! Great fun! In the afternoon we did clay pigeon shooting, then KFC, then in the afternoon i packed and came home!

Great trip - brilliantly organised by Naeem - and i'm happy with how the body held up during the whole time - a nice mental break too just before going back to work.

Lastly, i let Naeem drive the Fiat and after driving it he wouldnt let me drive it again! He did about 100+ miles in it and now wants to get one himself!