During Chemo time went very slowly indeed. This was not necessarily because i was anxious or worried or that i was always 'waiting' - but more due to the complete change in daily routine and level of activity. I went from moving jobs to a big investment bank, buying a flat and doing DIY work there almost daily, managing at least 7/8 different websites, keeping in touch with a diverse array of friends and colleagues, and all the other bits and pieces to then quite quickly having almost none of those.
My level of activity during the treatments dropped massively. I still had a lot of tasks to keep me busy - but it was very very different to life before chemo. I had a lot of spare time, i had to conciously plan tasks to keep me busy, i sought out projects to keep my brain ticking over. In some ways it was very nice to have that. I couldnt be too ambitious, though, in terms of what i worked on when off as i was not feeling 100% by any means and was always being told to rest - and on days didnt feel like doing anything majorily involved.
As a result of this drop in level of activity time just seemed to slow down. I've often said that during that time each day felt like three separate days. The nights also dragged. My sleeping patterns were all over the place and keeping a routine was hard, especially as at times id feel tired / sleepy in the middle of the day.
Now that i'm back at work i can finally say that time seems to be speeding up! I've been back at work for almost 10 weeks and its gone very quickly. Its already May. Jalsa is approaching, once Jalsa is out the way it will be August - that was the time i got my diagnosis last year. In ways it seems much further away than a year, in others it feels much closer than that.
So is it nice time moving quicker? In ways it is, things progress more, and its nice to have a routine similar to other people rather than being in a world of my own, yet in other ways its a bit scary how fast things are going. You appreciate things more when time goes slowly, where as in the current hustle and bustle things are racing past all the time.
Having said that things moving on and always changing helps avoid long periods of time spent doing nothing but worrying or over-analysing things. Its been a journey - the last year - and spending too much time dwelling on it can be negative. Having said that its important for me to remember what ive been through and draw strength from coming out the other side.
Right, back to work!
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