Saturday the 16th of August was an ordinary day. The sun was out - it was not really warm - but not cold either. I remember i had a meeting at the mosque with one of the graphic designers from the web site team i manager for MKA UK. As i was leaving i saw one of my uncles was over. I met him, talked to him for a while about how things were, and then went to the mosque. I got back from my meeting with lots of ideas and things to look in to.
I spent the afternoon in my brother's room as he was in my room watching a football game. I worked on some designs for the Tomb of Jesus Website and other sites. Pretty much business as usual.
But it was a significant day at the same time. The same day the previous year id been in hospital, having had an infection in my biopsy wound, and had been ready to return home when i got some news from the Haemotology consultant that i was not expecting nor prepared for in anyway.
"We have the results from the biopsy. We'll be treating you with a combination of chemotherapy and radiotherapy."
A million thoughts went through my head. All i could manage to actually say at that point was "Really?"
To which i got "Yes.." and he carried on with the details about what ABVD was and the length of treatment. Nothing about prognosis, nothing about cure rates, nothing about side effects. I was told to stay in hospital to have some more tests and that things would begin ASAP. In addition i was told the following day one of the nurses from the haemotology clinic that give the drugs will be over to talk about things.
Then the consultant left, as he was in a rush as he was going on holiday.
What do you do next? Firstly you take a deep breath! After that i went out to get some air and then called the family. What do you say? One thing that is perhaps hard for others to understand is how bad it is giving someone bad news. Its never nice to make someone sad, but when you know they are being made sad because of you there is some guilt there. It sounds crazy - but you do feel it - its like you are placing an emotional burden on someone. Having said that i know the family would want to know immediately. I spoke to my dad - anyone who knows him will know he is calm about pretty much everything - he heard what i had said - said that it sounded like it was a malignancy and that they would be over later that day.
What a 12 months its been. Life is different now in every possible sense - and all in positive ways. I'm not saying that going through what i have has been a positive experience - what i am saying is that where i stand right now is a far better place than where i stood this time last year.
There is a lot to be greatful in all aspects of my life. The past 12 months have lead to an upheavel of patterns of normal life and thinking - and have taken me mentally, emotional, physically, and spiritually to places i've not been before.
I want to talk about my health at the moment. I am still feeling fine and thinking less and less about cancer. I have an appointment in a few weeks as a general check up and will have some blood tests and a general examination. Relapses do occur, i know people who have relapsed and know of those that have died due to lymphoma - but the longer things stay clear the better the chances that this illness has actually being cured. As well as hearing of those who have relapsed, there are those who have been clear for 30 years or more.
Its been a journey - and i know it will continue to be.
Lastly I'll rip off the words of Delta Goodrem again - who also had hodgkin's lyphoma and went through chemo and radiotherapy too. In her song 'Extraordinary Day' in which she talks about the day she got her diagnosis she says:
"I know, I can't change fate of that July the 8th and it was never the same
I know, this stage is frightening but its oh so enlightening is this how karma goes"
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