Arif Khan's Blog

Back at Work - Post-Paternity

The first day back at work did feel like my first day all over again. Things were new,yet there was some level of familiarity with things.

It was an eventful start to my time back. Work and projects and deliverables were piled on to me from pretty much the moment I got there.

This is my second week back. This is the first week where wifey is at home alone with the kids during the day. It is certainly a massive challenge, especially as everyone adjusts to things. That adjustment is not just for us parents, but for Leyla also. She now has to get used to not always getting attention and having to be more patient for things. That is proving difficult.

It will take a while for things to settle down. The actual delivery of Elisha went very smoothly and there were not any post-natal issues. The challenge now is less about having a baby, and more about coping with a young family.

The home sale and purchase are both ticking along - nothing concrete yet - but no big issues either. Packing has gone well, there is still a lot left, but things that can be easily packed in advanced and left at my parents home, have been.

I would say job change and baby deliver have now been negotiated and the home move is the scariest out of the three now.

Home Move - All "In Progress"

The third main factor in my challenging few weeks / months is the home move. This involves not just the purchase of a new home, but the sale of my current flat. It also relies on both things happening together - something that is always sure to add some more stress to it!

There was a time when I was going through tons and tons of forms for both the new job and the property items. Thankfully now we are past that stage and paperwork to sign comes up every now and again.

The sale of the flat is all going smoothly - the one item that is not fully sorted yet is the lease extension that is taking place in parallel with the sale. From what I can gather the ball is firmly in the buyer's solicitor's court at the moment, I've done all I've needed to do from my side.

On the purchase we had a homebuyer's survey that revealed some damp in the house. I've arranged a follow up inspection by some damp proofing experts and I'll await the results of that. Based on that we may need to arrange for some work to be done, and we get in to the negotiation phase around if the vendor will reduce the price and / or pay for some of the work.

The stressful part of home situation is likely to be the packing and the moving itself. We have some items packed already, but plenty more to pack.

Also the big three items (job, baby, house) are starting to affect each other now - the new baby will make packing and the move a lot harder. With this in mind I am considering getting removal people in, despite the fact we have only a 1 bedroom flat.

The other source of stress is around the financing! All very expensive and I am stretching myself = in terms of deposit - to make this move happen. Thankfully the mortgage payments are fine, and the new job (which = new sallary) should help the financial situation improve each month.

Overall, no immediate stress on this front either. As I am on paternity leave now I think I should make the most of it and get things packed up now where I can. Right - better go pack!

Baby Elisha Arrives

Baby Elisha was born at 10:57 on Friday 12th August. It was a quick delivery and went relatively smoothly. It was much better than the delivery of our first child. By the evening we were all back home, and by the end of the weekend family who were staying over and visiting had gone, and it was just the four of us to get used to life as a larger family.

The first 48 hours were difficult, but having been through it once before it was a lot easier. Of course wifey took the brunt of it, but coped very well. My main duty ended up being taking care of my elder daughter, leyla, who is just coming up to 2 years old. This was hard work - but also more fun than looking after a newborn, as you can play more games!

The birth of Elisha and the first few days afterwards have gone much smoother than we all expected. It is a happy moment also - I do not feel any stress at all right now. It is tricky planning things when you have two kids - but it is also wonderful and amazing.

The home move is the next obstacle. I'll post separately on that, as this post should be all about Elisha!

Welcome to the world little girl :)

First Week in the New Job

The first obstacle is the new job, and so far so good. I'm fortunate that this new job is in the same business area as my last, so I am familiar with a lot of the lingo and jargon. I've also been able to draw on my experience and actually make useful suggestions from the first 2/3 days, rather than first 2/3 months!

There are always teething issues with a new job, but overall the job move has actually greatly helped reduce stress, rather than cause more. There was stress around sorting out all the paperwork and background check documents, but the actual working day is far less hectic for me right now than it was a week ago. Again, this is natural with any job change, but is not something I had thought about. For me new job = lots of stress.

I think we can mark the 'new job' obstacle as successfully passed to some extent. Logistically the hard parts are done. I am also set for 2 weeks paternity leave soon also, so no key deliverables are being placed on me right now.

Overall, it has worked out nicely!

Next stop: Baby #2!

last day...

I had a very nice last day at work. I had a great turnout for my leaving presentation and some very generous comments.

We had 13 ppl come out for a meal in the evening also and i had a really nice time. None of it felt very real, none of it has really sunk in yet.

Tomorrow is day 1 in the new job, wish me luck!

First step, job...

First item is the job change. In order to get a few days at the new company before going on paternity leave I gave notice at my current place before a confirmed start date from the new one. There was a period of several weeks where I was on this quite scary limbo state. I was hopeful it would all work out, and it just about has in the nick of time! I got my start date confirmed 3 days before my last day at my current place. Pretty close!

I'm very fortunate that my new employer OS letting me have 2 weeks paternity leave. They are not obliged to do that at all. The plan is for me to have just over 1 week of work, to meet people and get access to relevant systems and then disappear off on paternity!

Right now my immediate thoughts are about if my last day at work will be embarrassing or not! The evening promises a nice curry so should be good. I've made some really nice friends over the years and I hope they stay in touch.

Thoughts on the new job right now are focused on hoping I'll go to the right building and have access and that kind of thing rather than any job related stuff.

On the baby front wifey is heavily pregnant and uncomfortable. House stuff is moving along although my mortgage application is not complete yet and I hoped it would be.

Last day at work is tomorrow....

New Job, New Baby, New Home - Week #1

I am going to count this as week #1 for this topic, but things started a long time ago. The new baby started about 9 months ago, our current flat was on the market about 4 months ago, and the new job has been on the cards for about 2 months. At this very moment in time all of these threads are very much underway. They are each now on a fixed course with semi-fixed end dates.

Having said that each of these items are in fact new starts and new phases of life. They will continue on for many years, hopefully, and the fact they are all occuring around the same time means life is going through a mini revolution - or maybe evolution - right now for myself and my family.

Are they really that stressful?

The short answer is, yes. In different ways. There is a lot of admin and paper work related to work background checks and buying & selling property. I have lost count of how many forms I have filled in, or documents I have scanned in the past few weeks. Passport copy, utility bill, proof of address, payslips, bank statements, council tax, insurance policies, credit card statements, solicitor forms, estate agent forms, job forms, medical questionnaires - the works!

Are there any benefits in doing all these things together?

I see a very, very little benefit, in that i've been able to re-use some of the scans I have of things like my passport - other than that doing all these things at the same time is pretty crazy. There is not really much benefit - just a whole lot of pain! Moving to a bigger house if defintely a good thing, if that all goes through, and badly needed with the growing family. The job thing is probably the least expected or planned of the three. We had pretty much agreed on two  kids with a gap of no more than 2 years, so that side of things went to plan. The home purchase also was something I had hoped to always do in January 2012 - now it is just a bit earlier. The job is the odd ball, but it also helps with the other two.

How does the job change help?

The new role should lead to a better work/life balance for me and also pay more, which will allow me to afford the larger home without being too financially stretched. I am extremetly greatful to God for having this great blessing at a time when so many are facing financial hardships. I am greatful and humbled by the way I've been blesed with these great things in the past few weeks.

 

What is the status of the items?

1. Job - Last day at current job is a week today, and I started the new job right away

2. Baby - due in 20 days

3. House - sale going through ok - awaiting my mortgage approval for the new place

 

Next Steps

The next thing for me will be dealing with the final week of work handover and my leaving do on Friday. Next week i am also expecting the mortgage company to call me in and get me to sign an agreement to complete the mortgage application. 

 

I'll keep this blog updated with how things go!